Haughty Man-Woman

Alright. So the title of this blog is a bit more obscure.

But just hear me out.

Hopping on the 4 this morning to go into work, I was blissful to find that there were plenty of available seats for my bottom to partake. Feeling a bit lazy to sit up solo, I opt for the end seat against the hand rail.

There was a dashing young man that found his nesting place next to me-- I was pleased. I glanced over from the rim of my Gucci shades and caught his eye. This, friends, was going to be a good trip after all.

Moments before the conductor closed the train doors, a haughty man-woman with a set of hips to birth a horse, eyed the slight space between myself and my present eye-candy. It (haha) comes over and grumbles something under its breath to incline its conquer of the space between us. Aggrivated that Mr. Eye-Candy did not slide toward me, but away from me, this opened up a breeze between us. Seeing the open space, the haughty man-woman swung its massive derrire in front of my face, almost knocking off my shades, and plopped down.

Clearly, this created a rift in the delicate dynamic that the others on the subway seat did not agree upon-- I shifted to my right while everyone down shifted abruptly to their left. The haughty man-woman began to dig in its bag, clearly searching for a trinket of some sort that had fallen in the abyss of its carry-on.

After two express stops of scrounging through its satchel, it revealed a small bottle of scent-- somewhat equivalent to burnt hair and split-pea baby food. It spritzed on, heavily, this concoction of purchased goods and happily grunted to itself that the accomplishment availed.

I felt sick to my stomach.

Eyeing my surroundings, I searched for a scape: but only to look up to see the massive sprawl of armpits and reaching hands standing over me holding on for balance and composure. There was no where to go. Nowhere to hide.

To add to my dismay, the haughty man-woman's stop was the same as mine: 42nd street @ Grand Central Station. After bursting through the partially opened doors, I shivered in recollecting the indirect fights for arm space, constant tucking of legs to make sure contact would not prevail and breathing in mouth and out my nose to make sure I didn't get another intake of her hideous smelling liquid. My tongue parched from the cold air on the train and constant breathing, I finally close my mouth and swallow, to consume an airrated guzzle of the haughty man-woman's scent.

How rude.