Bagel Plates

Did you know, that at most posh bagel-selling places, that they have specific things called "bagel plates"? See, unlike Panera, Starbucks or Caribou you have to suffer the inevitable with paper on tissue-paper contact. They pull an unsanitary piece of translucent tissue paper out of a box, grapple for the bagel of your choice, grab a flat baggie by the corner and stuff bagel and paper, fold twice, crease and hand over.

Ooh no. No such thing for bagel plates.

See, at work we have Bagel Monday's, where the company splurges for everyone to have some mild form of a reason to drag their hung-over asses out of bed and come to work. On each floor in the kitchenette is a cornicopia of different types and styles (yes, styles) of bagely goodness, with four different types of concotions to smear on. They are all assorted and neatly stacked, at first, before the anorexic pigeons circle around and start taking half a bagel here, a piece of bagel there, oh-just-a-bite-and-I'll-put-it-back everywhere. So, in waking up a few minutes early to get to work "on time" I always seem to arrive right when there's just a half of an asiago bagel left. And EVERY time, I swallow my pride, look left and right, down at my shoes, and snatch it from the picked-over pile of crusty bread. And always, trustingly always immediately to my right, is a neat little stack of bagel plates. Ready for my immediate bagel-holding disposal.

See, a bagel plate looks like a glorified coffee filter, with shorter sides. Its got the strength of a stryofoam plate, with the looks of something that you'd find at IKEA. Its also great because if you play your cards right, you can also get some knife propping action in there as well. But be cautioned: for ADVANCED users only.


In my recent years of bagel-eating, I have succomed to the fact that I am utterly in love with veggie cream cheese. I think that it is the best concoction made of a smearable texture. Its tasty goodness isn't as comparable to something say, oh, CHOCOLATE, but it is definately a go-getter in its race for my attention. So, half an asiago bagel and veggie cream cheese in tow, I wait until I get back at my desk when my back is to the world. I sit, swivel around and jiggle my mouse to wake my computer up... check to see if the Entourage "E" has a little envelope over it and look over at my newly created morsel. Intricately, to avoid a cream cheese to fingernail disaster, I pick up my new-found crush and savor every tasty carrot fleck, celery bit, scallon essence and cucumber cube with the soothing, succulent goodness of a soft, pre-cut asiago bagel.

What can I say? I love Mondays.