The Big (Baked) Apple

Today, New York is seeing some of its warmer temperature ranges. Its already bad enough the people here scream melt down in the upper 80s. But today, ladies and gents, the Big Apple is being fried in a skillet that's reaching boiling point: 101 degrees.

My story to add to the crying souls burning in earthly hell outside is brief. This morning wasn't that bad-- waking up around 8AM to the feeling of heat around my head was expected. I jumped up, showered, dressed and groomed with only breaking a sweat three times. A record for most mornings. I purposefully swore to myself that I would not leave the office today for any leisurely strolls, visits or just-because's. I grabbed a smoothie from Grand Central to keep the brain-freezes a' comin' on my trip into work. I had lunch delivered. But see, everyday around 3 o'clock, I hit a lull and oftentimes step outside just to get some "fresh air."

On my way to the elevator, I asked innocent passer-byers if they had taken a trip outside at all today. My partner warily looked at me, eyes still glazed over and slurred his story about lunch at the park. "Even in the shade its effin' hot." I skip past the receptionist desk and ask her if she's been outside. "Oh Lord yes, its terrible! Save yourself! Don't go!!"

See, what they didn't realize was that I had been storing up a reserve of a protective layer of cold all day. You know, when you're sitting in air conditioning for so long, with any sort of bare skin exposed, to the point where your nail-beds turn blue. Then, and only then, are you ready to step outside onto planet Mars unscathed by any scorching heat. But what varies is how long your suit will last.

I had to run to the Duane Reade that's a block from my job. Cool reserves on 100%, I hop onto the elevator, stride across the lobby and step outside. It wasn't so bad. Actually it felt kind of good: I'm surprised it didn't start a small thunderstorm around my body with cold and warm-air fronts colliding. I got to the corner, still chilled to the core, and quickly realized that my meter had already dropped to 85%. I had to hurry.

I cross the street and wait for the perpendicular crosswalk sign to light up. 80%. As I crossed the street, a bus pulled up to the stoplight. Stepping foot onto curb, I had to stop for a moment in the intersection of people on the corner, carts, baby carriages, tourists all wanting to go somewhere-- at the same time. Just as I was standing there, the heat from under the bus hit me with a mighty blast to my left side, dropping my shields immediately to 65%. A huge blow, but I can see the storefront in the distance. I quickly dodge and weave my way through the crowd to stop short, again, right over a ground vent. Just as I was standing there, a gust of hot air shot up, through my shoes, saturating my jeans. 35%. I was in trouble. Panicked, I jumped off the grate and immediately had to make a decision. I stood there for a moment-- looking at the entrance to the office building and looking at the store front. A steaming hotdog cart wheeled by. 30%. I was running out of time. I had to make it somewhere and FAST. Another bus pulled up and I quickly evaded myself away from its undercarriage heat stream. I bolted back to the corner, shot across the street and trapezed across the perpendicular crosswalk again, against the light. 12%. With a sheer look of terror on my face, I sped up just a little in my walking, keeping my arms down to my sides to reserve energy. Traffic whirrs by, kicking up even more heated air. 8%. There was a group of people standing outside the office building, smoking and congregating. I had to stop and squeeze my way through them, coming in contact with their radiating body temperatures of 98.6+ degrees. 3%. Just as soon as I was about to be fully exposed to the dangerous swelter, I forced myself through the revolving doors back into the breezeway of the Y&R lobby. I made it back.

Mission failed, but normal body temperature: accomplished.